- Janet Wilhelm,
Author's mother
I was sitting in the Vidette building, waiting for a story when I decided to check Facebook. I wasn’t expecting much change since 15 minutes ago when I last checked it, but I was very surprised by what I saw. There it was… a friend request from my mother.
“It seemed like almost everyone I knew [was] on Facebook,” Janet Wilhelm, my mom, said. “I think that I thought about it for about a year before I finally joined.”
I didn’t expect to see a friend request from my mom anytime soon, but when it happened, I was happy for her. I thought of it as a new way for us to connect while I’m at ISU.
“My first thought was "What have I done?" as it seemed more complicated and involved to set up than I thought it would be,” my mom said. “With help from my daughters, I think that I feel a little more comfortable with it now, and I immediately starting hearing from friends who congratulated me for finally taking the plunge.”
Despite being on Facebook for only a few months, and for my dad, a few weeks, my parents have experienced almost everyone’s least favorite part of the social networking site.
“I find it amazing that individuals seem to think that everyone wants to be notified every time they are feeling bored or tired or a little sick,” my mom said. “I'd rather hear or read about something of real importance. And the other part that I don't like is how their friends instantly feel bad for them, thus reinforcing the ‘poor me.’ I want to tell them to grow up!” “
My first thought when joining, was that it was a mistake,” Bob Wilhelm, my dad, said. “I can't believe some of the drivel people will share with everybody.”
I decided to ask my aunt and uncle about why they joined Facebook in the most appropriate way for this story…by a Facebook message.
“A lot of my friends were on Facebook and it was a way to know what was going on that they were willing to share,” my uncle Mark Spoo said. “My first thought was, this is going to be addicting for me. It was also nice to see what other friends and family were doing.”
“Honestly, the only reason I joined Facebook is because Uncle Mark joined and he thought I should too. But honestly, I do love it now!” my aunt Karen Spoo said.
My one concern with “friending” my parents on Facebook was that they would question every post, but that hasn’t happened much and when it does, it is all about clarification.
“[Some] posts do not reflect the entire situation,” Uncle Mark said. “Once Chris (Mark’s son) posted lyrics to a song that I did not know and [I] thought something was really wrong. I called him; all was cool, I just did not know the song.”
“I think the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that sometimes people post things (especially Jessie), and it is so ‘generic’ that I can't tell the exact meaning of what she is saying,” Aunt Karen said. “I think things can be taken out of context a lot when you only get ‘tiny bits’ of information in a post.”
I checked in with my cousin, Jessie Spoo, to see what her thoughts were about having her parents and other family members on Facebook.
“It’s a little weird, because they always ask me what my statuses mean or who they’re directed towards,” she said. “I feel like they’re checking up on me.”
I agree with Jessie about being asked to clarify my statuses. Using Mark’s example, sometimes you don’t know if a status is song lyrics, something is wrong, or if someone is just feeling extra poetic. There were a couple times where I had to clarify a post or two so my parents knew everything was okay.
I don’t mind that my parents and other family members are on Facebook, mainly because I have nothing to hide. By not limiting my profile, I’m showing my parents that they can trust me not to do stupid stuff on Facebook.
“I suppose I feel pretty safe provided that they are following the safety and security guidelines of not revealing too much personal information including home address and phone number,” my mom said. “I also want them to be careful not to post anything that may affect their future relationships or employment opportunities--one can never be too careful to guard something as vital as your personal reputation and how others view you.”
“I'm very comfortable with my girls being on Facebook because my wife and I have instilled a sense of right and wrong in them from birth, giving us confidence in their decision making abilities,” my dad said.
Whenever Facebook came up in conversation, I always reassured my parents that I used the privacy settings, and when it came time to have Facebook profiles of their own, I was glad to show them how to use them too. It just goes to show that you gain more trust when you are responsible. If you get reckless with what you post online, you put your future at stake.
“I have no problem with Jessie being on Facebook,” Aunt Karen said. “I think she handles it in a responsible manner. The fact that I am friends with her on Facebook allows me to keep ‘tabs’ on her to a certain extent. If I see she is doing something irresponsible, I know about it right away.”
“If you stay involved with your kids, there should be no problem,” Uncle Mark said.
It seems that the main reason parents venture onto Facebook is to make sure their kids are doing okay. Once those teenage years hit, Mom and Dad are often left in the dark as to what is going on in their children’s lives.
“I do like the fact that I can keep up with the little things that are going on in Jessie's life that she may not tell me,” Aunt Karen said. “Although, sometimes I find that there is too much ‘drama’ and I wish I didn't know all that stuff!”
“I find out very small things but when I read a post from Jess or Chris for that matter that concerns me, I ask,” Uncle Mark said. “It keeps me in the loop of third lives.”
“I keep in pretty close contact with my daughter who has ‘friended’ me… so I think that she pretty much tells me what she's thinking, feeling, or doing and I don't need Facebook for that,” my mom said. “I try not to be a ‘Facebook Stalker,’ but I do check mine a couple of times a day.”
I don’t mind that my parents check my Facebook every day, mainly because they are still new to the website.
“My favorite part is probably keeping in touch with people that I haven't seen or heard from in ages,” my mom said. “It is fun to see their pictures and hear what they have been up to.”
“I love being able to connect with family and friends who I don’t get to see that often,” Jessie said.
“My favorite part of Facebook is the fact that I have reconnected with a lot of my high school friends,” Aunt Karen said.
Regardless of why parents check their kids’ Facebook profiles, everyone agrees on why we use Facebook in the first place: to connect with people from the past and present. As Mark said, parents want to stay involved in their kids’ lives, so really, the reason why Mom and Dad use Facebook is because they love you, and no tag, wall post, or comment can beat that.